Problem solved. We've come up with our own stimulus package. Mark your calendars and choose your pleasure, for next week is truly a package of stimulating events, all conveniently located right here on the islands and far, far away from the huge knots of cars with out-of-state plates slowly wobbling from lane to lane on 275.

Monday, March 2nd: Tennis Night in America, 6pm.
Free baseball caps for kids who sign up for one Quick Start Tennis Program at Treasure Bay for current or new USTA members. Tennis Pro Phil Girardi, with his superhuman Quick Start Tennis powers, can actually shrink tennis down to kid size! 727-360-6062. Deal closer: Pizza, too!

Thursday, March 5th: Let's Glow Golfing, 6pm. One last chance before the time change for a riotous night of glow-in-the-dark golf at Treasure Bay. We sold out last time so reserve now! Deal closer: All you-can-eat hot dogs! 727-547-4575 ext. 237

Friday, March 6th: Spaghetti Luncheon, 11:30am. Just $6, $5 for kids, with Chef Hayduke's Famous Pasta and Red Sauce lunch at the TI Community Center. Proceeds go to Team TI in the American Cancer Society's Relay For Life this April. Get a dollar off with advance tickets at 727-547-4575 ext. 237. Deal closer: Did we mention Chef Hayduke's Famous Red Sauce?


Saturday, March 7th: Your Day is Planned
Spring jauntily out of bed and get over early to the American Legion Post 158 Ladies Auxiliary White Elephant & Sidewalk Sale, 111 108th Avenue, 8am to 2pm. If they don't have that Elvis-on-Velvet painting you've been looking for, head for the Isle of Palms Garage and Yard Sale, 8am to 2pm (look for homes with a bright yellow sign out front or get a map at the 112th Avenue entrance). Stop by the food court, serving up burgers, brats and hot dogs on 7th Street East and grab some lunch. Then, it's home for a nap before you head for dinner at Food for Thought, the Gulf Beaches Public Library outdoor food extravaganza, featuring dozens of top-notch restaurants. Munch as noisily as you want - no librarians will shush you. Tickets are $20 advance, $30 at the door at 727-391-2828. Deal closer: Beer and wine and steel drum music!

The many moods of Fred Turner

Next week, Fred is off to the "Socks With Sandals Retirement Village" (exit 22 on the Antelope Freeway, next to the Firesign Theatre) after expertly doing 14 years of Personnel Director stuff for the city. Gonna miss you, our friend. Fred's Current Mood: Jubilation (not pictured ... or maybe it is ...)